I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
