Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
