Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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