And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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