32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
