Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
