i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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