i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your penis caused this!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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