The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
