Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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