I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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