Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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