listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
