The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
