I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We need to rekindle our bromance
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
