A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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