ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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