My first STD was from a foam party
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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