Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
