I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
