i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
