I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
