Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
