Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
