he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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