can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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