porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
