I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
