he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
