I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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