dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
