We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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