yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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