it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
