i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
