So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
