I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
