did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Who died my cat blue again?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
