I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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