He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
