I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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