Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
