I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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