I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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