I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
