I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
