Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
