I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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