dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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