i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
