I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
