You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
