I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
