How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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