Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
