and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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