If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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