Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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