the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
