don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
