apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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