real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
