Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
