It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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