Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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