He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
