He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
