he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
