we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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