fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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