After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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