singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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