We're facebook friends in real life
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
