worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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