is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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