Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
