And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I look better un-naked...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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