My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
