Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
