In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
