I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
