i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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