Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
