Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
